Missing the forest for the trees

The perfectly emo picture for a fairly emo post. It's a few months old though!

A few weeks ago I fell into another one of my little depressions, something that  I keep struggling with in my new life. It’s not cool and I can’t really help it, but I don’t want to pretend it’s not happening either. If anyone ever came across my story on this here piece of the internet, I wouldn’t want to present a false facade of happily ever after, you know what I mean? Sometimes things are hard, even if your life seems dreamy to someone else. And I don’t want to act like my life isn’t really great a lot of the time either-just putting that out there. I know I’m a lucky lady. But I still struggle with some things. So anyway, back to the story.

I felt that I was so far from finding any sort of gainful employment that I was destined to be a sad immigrant wife forever, eeking out a few pounds here and there on writing jobs and spending whole days in yoga pants, staring out at the sea from the bay window in our living room, and arguing with Jon about our money situation on a weekly basis. And then, without warning, essentially everything turned around within a few days. I felt a surge of encouragement a couple of Mondays ago (maybe reckless abandon is a better description, with nothing else to lose as my dignity is pretty far down the list right now). I basically said “fuck it” and sent my resume to some local companies, even if they weren’t technically hiring with exactly zero hope that I would find a job, or even get emails back telling me as such (one of the most demoralizing parts of job-hunting is the feeling of invisibility and worthlessness in the face of sending out stacks and stacks of resumes and filling out app after app, with no responses or follow ups). I looked at gumtree, which is like the UK version of craiglist, and replied to weird ads for things I thought could have potential. And to my surprise, and completely the opposite of all the other luck that I have had since moving here (none)  in a few days I had three responses, one flat out offer of employment and today, another offer from a school who had filled the position I’d originally applied for but thought that they wanted me on board anyway. Several of these jobs are contract work and would only go through the end of summer, but could have the potential to lead to more work if they like me. All of them are at international schools in Brighton. All are jobs that I think I could be good at. And finally I feel like I may be able to find a place around here. I’m really thankful for that. And dear God I can’t wait to buy some new shoes. Or like, go to a nice restaurant with my husband, my treat. That would be nice.

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